Wordless Wednesday ~ Puffy ghost and ice cream...

Words to live by ~ Hygge (Hooga)...

"Hygge is a verb as well as an adjective. It is a feeling as well as a state of mind and it even has moral implications. Children in Denmark grow up learning how to hygge because it is seen as so essential to a good life. Right now there is a college class in the UK that is teaching “hygge” because it is such a powerful factor for happiness in Denmark. And it is. But it isn’t only because of the candles, the nice food and the cozy atmosphere. Hygge is about something much deeper. It is about the power of presence and really connecting to others in a drama free way. It is focusing on what is really important-being together."

 

A guide to raising the happiest children in the world

Danish parents know: happy families practice “hygge”

How many times have you been at a family gathering and some kind of drama erupts? There is a big discussion, some negative words, some accusations or judgments and you leave feeling pretty upset about family gatherings? What if there was a way to change all of that? What if there was a way to guarantee a drama free family gathering. Could it be possible?

So many people who have read The Danish Way of Parenting say they particularly enjoy the chapter about “hygge” pronounced “hooga”. Hygge is a very difficult concept to explain to non Danes. Some say it means cozy, homey, snug or comfortable. But this doesn’t really cover the many facets of hygge and why it is so important.

Hygge is a verb as well as an adjective. It is a feeling as well as a state of mind and it even has moral implications. Children in Denmark grow up learning how to hygge because it is seen as so essential to a good life. Right now there is a college class in the UK that is teaching “hygge” because it is such a powerful factor for happiness in Denmark. And it is. But it isn’t only because of the candles, the nice food and the cozy atmosphere. Hygge is about something much deeper. It is about the power of presence and really connecting to others in a drama free way. It is focusing on what is really important-being together.

Feeling connected to others gives meaning and purpose to all of our lives and is proven to increase oxytocin levels and make people feel happier. There is a mountain of research to support this. Feeling truly connected, even for small periods of time, can increase feelings of wellbeing.

At hygge sig (to cozy around together) is like going into a safe place where it is understood that the power of presence is paramount. Because Danes are raised with hygge they know what the rules are without having to talk about them. And they all work together as a team to make hygge happen.

So what are some of the unspoken rules that make hygge work so well? It might help to visualize a door that opens into a moment. That moment is the hygge time. When you step into this moment you and everyone else must take off your daily masks and leave the drama at the door. Hygge is a safe place where no one tries or wants to be better than anyone else. That would not be hyggeligt. It’s a place to just be together with nothing to prove. The cozier this space is the better. The important thing is that everyone feels comfortable. That is why atmosphere is so important. But atmosphere is only one aspect. Here are four little known rules that can make hygge work for your family.

1. Come as you are. Be yourself. Your real self. Let your guard down. Trust. You won’t be attacked on hygge turf and you won’t attack others in turn. When we strip ourselves of trying to prove something we can all connect in a much more real way. Competition (boasting or pretense) and trying to be in the spotlight are not bonding but rather subtly dividing.

2. Forget the controversy. If your topic is too personal and serious, divisive or controversial it probably isn’t hyggeligt. Hygge is about a balanced ebb and flow of discussion in a lighthearted way. The focus is the moment and being in the moment. We have plenty of time in our everyday lives to argue and debate and experience drama but hygge is about enjoying the food, the company and not getting caught up in things that take away from that. Thus, complaining, heavy negativity, judging and arguing are not allowed in the hygge space.

3. Think of yourself as a team member. Everyone sees what they can do to contribute without being asked. This makes the whole team flow better and no one gets stuck doing all the work. This adds to the ability to feel the moment because it flows as one. When everyone works together in preparing, serving, pouring and conversing then hygge is in full bloom. But everyone has to understand that they are part of that team. The key is-this is “we time” not “me time”.

4. See hygge as a shelter from the outside. Hygge time is about providing a temporary shelter from social climbing, networking, competition and materialism. A place where everyone can relax and open their hearts without judging, no matter what is going on in their life. For better or for worse, this place is sacred and problems can be left outside. This is special because it allows for families and friends to always be able to connect in this space without fear of judgment.

5. Remember it is time limited. Making hygge can be challenging for a non -Dane. No one taking center stage, no one bragging or complaining, no one being too negative and everyone trying to be present without arguing? This is hard to do for a lot of families! But the payoff is enormous. It feels incredible to share these drama free moments with those you care about. If you realize that it is only for a dinner or a lunch or a limited period of time, it makes it much easier to really try and enjoy that moment. Your drama and problems will be waiting for you outside hygge’s door when you leave. But for a little while they can wait outside for the sake of something bigger.

As the saying goes….”when we replace “I” with “we”, even illness becomes wellness. “ It’s worth trying because it really does work.

Cash...

I was doing F.H.E. last night and I was trying to get Colby to be quiet in the middle of it and then as I kept talking I lost my train of thought and Cash said "I want to be like you Dad when I grow up, that's something you could talk about." He could tell I was a bit flustered and I smiled and he did too and I said thanks Cash I love you. ~ Mark

That's the ultimate statement a father wants to hear by such a wonderful son. Cashee is such a sweet boy and I can see why he wants to be just like you. Keep up the good work. ~Grandpa

You are a hands-on father. The relationship you have with Cash will always be a constant in his life. Cash is so amazing, sweet and smart. You are a wonderful dad and I am proud of you and your little family. I love you all so much. ~ Grams

ThrowBack Thursday ~ 35 years...

 October 4, 1980, Cheyenne, Wyoming

Best decision I ever made.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Jump for joy...

Words to live by ~ Good...Important...Essential...

"Many things are good, many are important,
but only a few are essential."
—D. Todd Christofferson, "Why Marriage, Why Family"

I will be teaching a lesson in Relief Society from this talk on October 25th. There are so many good things. There are even important things. But only a few things in our lives are essential.

185th General Conference...

What could be better than having a nice breakfast and watching general conference with your family?!

Three new apostles were sustained in the Saturday afternoon session of conference... Elder Ronald A. Rasband, 64; Elder Gary E. Stevenson, 60; and Elder Dale G. Renlund, 62. They are the 98th, 99th and 100th apostles since the church's founding in 1830 and the quorum's creation in 1835.

Elder Holland once again gave a heartfelt talk and it was one of my favorites. He paid tribute to mothers — and their eternal, pure love for their children.

"No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child."

Mothers demonstrate their long-suffering, resolute love, he added, by first bearing their children — and then "they continue bearing with us."

"It is not only the prenatal carrying but the lifelong carrying that makes mothering such a staggering feat," he said. "Of course there are heartbreaking exceptions, but most mothers know intuitively, instinctively that this is a sacred trust of the highest order. The weight of that realization, especially on young maternal shoulders, can be daunting."

It was wonderful to here our Prophet speak. President Monson said he has recently been pondering two familiar passages of scripture:

First, from the Sermon on the Mount: "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16).

And second, from Paul's epistle to Timothy: "Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (1 Timothy 4:12).

"The second scripture explains, in great part, how we can accomplish the first, We become examples of the believers by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, and in purity. As we do so, our lights will shine for others to see."

All have been given the light of Christ. "As we follow the example of the Savior and live as He lived and as he taught, that light will burn within us and light the way for others."

President Monson is 88 and was visibly struggling during his talk. He leaned over the pulpit, and I have never seen him do that. He had a message to give and was blessed to be able to deliver it. President Uchtdorf and his body guard help him back to seat. I was happy to see he was able to attend the last session of conference but he did not speak. 

I look forward to reading and studying the conference talks.

I Wish I Could Have Come and Held You Up...

This sums up how I felt today while watching President Monson during the morning session of conference. Only one other time do I remember feeling this way. 

Elder Wirthlin began to shake while giving a talk in 2007 called "The Great Commandment." He suffered from a case of locked knees. According to Elder Wirthlin's son, Joseph B. Wirthlin Jr., his father "basically locked his knees and had his muscles twitching."  Elder Nelson helped brace him with one hand from the back. Although still shaking, Elder Wirthlin who was 90 years old at the time was able to finish his talk in its entirety, with the assistance of Elder Nelson. 

President Monson…I Wish I Could Have Come And Held You Up ~ Greg Trimble

If you were watching general conference this Sunday morning, your heart probably melted as you watched President Monson’s physical strength begin to fail on him in front of the entire Church. He started strong, and then all of the sudden it was as if an entire lifetime of church service came crashing down on to his shoulders.

It’s the first time that I can remember actually praying specifically for a person at the pulpit so that they would have the strength to endure. As I watched this man…this great man struggle through the last half of his message, I couldn’t help but become emotional. For me, it was as if the words he was speaking at the moment took a backseat to the symbolism of what I was witnessing, and in that moment, it was as if his spirit was speaking directly to mine.

I can’t imagine what the last couple years, let alone months have been like for President Monson. His amazing wife Frances who has supported him and been with him through everything, passed away. The world’s values are exponentially declining and effecting members of the church. He feels a responsibility to be there for them and comfort them.

It has now become commonplace for people to show up at conference to show their opposition to him in person. This sweet 88 year old man has done nothing but serve people for an entire lifetime and now has to deal with hearing the phase “the vote has been noted” over and over again every 6 months. That has had to take a toll on him.

He has had to watch three of his best friends pass away within the last few months. He’s had to speak and preside at their services, attend to their families, and is expected to be the one that is lifting others spirits. He’s had the monumental task of not only presiding over the church “short handed”, but calling three new apostles. He’s the one that mentally has to bear the scrutiny, the questioning, the speculating. All of this has had to take a toll on him.

How does a person get to sleep at night with that kind of burden…and yet here he was Sunday morning, speaking first, ramping up the strength to stand up once again and bring messages of goodness to all of those that love, respect, and look up to this Christian soldier.

I’m sitting here waiting for the next session of conference thinking about him, wishing that I could have run up there and thrown his arm around my neck and shoulders to bear the weight of his body and the weight of his worries and concerns. I wish I could have held him up like he has done for so many of us in the church for so many years.

Truly…he has worn out his life in the service of others.

The Grands...

Last Wednesday was a long day at school. On the way home I decided to go see Cash, Colby and Grey. I knew seeing them and getting a hug would make me feel better. Sure enough it did! It was just a bonus that I could have dinner with Cash and Colby and go to the park.

 Yummy sushi at Fong's!

 Cooking up a delicious dessert!

I love you sweet boys so much!

ThrowBack Thursday ~ Cash and Colby learning to walk...

Cash

Colby

I need one of Grey pushing his car!