Scoop up all the joy!: June 2014

I often find myself singing old gospel songs. Today I thought of one, and it helped realize that this journey we are going through with Mom is best taken "one day at time."

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

I had been waiting for several days for the results of Mom's MRI. My brother Marion called and told me she has terminal lung cancer. We will not subject her to further tests, so we do not know what stage or how long she has to live. After spending a few days with her two weeks ago, I knew she was very sick. She would not eat much and has lost a lot of weight. I barely recognized her. She is weak and frail.

She has lived alone for almost 40 years. She has been independent and made the best of her situation. Now what... what do you do when a parent is dying??

The doctor said it is not an option to let her go home. We just would not be able to give the care she needs. So she is now on a waiting list for hospice care. She will stay in the hospital until a bed becomes available. Thanks to my brother Lloyd for making phones calls and finding the best care for Mom.

Who knows what the next few weeks will bring in the journey. My brothers decided not to tell her she has lung cancer, although I think she knows. Interestingly enough, a few weeks ago Mom told me she thought she has cancer. I told her not to worry and that she has a doctor appointment soon.

Christopher and I went to Cheyenne on Thursday, June 26th, so we can see her... possibly for the last time in this life. Although I am sad, I have peace. Following a prompting I had two weeks ago is something I will be grateful for all my days. While I cleaned and organized her home, we talked, laughed, and share sweet memories. She was happy I was with her and she didn't want me to leave.

Chris put together this bag of fruit for the trip. It had blackberries, peaches, raspberries and strawberries. He squeezed some fresh limes in the bag and it was delicious. I was very glad Chris wanted to go with me.

It's fun to see what the big rigs are hauling across Wyoming!

We ran into a pretty powerful rain storm near Laramie. I thought is might hail, but thankfully it didn't. We had no problems making it safely to Cheyenne.

I hesitate taking pictures of Mom because she looks so sick. But for me it's all part of the journey. She's still my sweet Mom no matter what she looks like. She was really happy to see Chris and me. She knows who you are but sometimes has trouble remembering names. I think it was Jimmy who asked if she knew who I was. She replied, "She calls me Mother."

Mom loved having two of her grandson's visit her. Jimmy and Chris made her smile.

My niece Heidi has been to hospital everyday. She loves Mom so much. She is so tender and sweet with her. I think all of us have experienced some guilt, thinking we didn't visit Mom as much as we should. Now that she is so sick a lot of feelings have surfaced. Heidi and I had a long talk and we both decided that we did our best, and Mom knows how much we love her. We can't change the past so we determined to let go of the guilt and learn from it, always trying to do better.

I know this picture is blurry. I asked Lloyd to take a picture of us and his hands are so big he has trouble pushing the button. Heidi and I had a good laugh about that! One of the nurses asked if Heidi and I were sisters. I sure love her!

Chris took these pictures when he went on one of his meditation walks.

I also went for a walk every morning, it helped me get through the day.

The prairies were so green and beautiful.

My favorite!

My Mom's only living brother called me and asked if he could visit Mom. I said of course, so he drove up from Denver Saturday morning. I was the only one in the room when he arrived. Mom held out both of her hands and started to cry. Uncle Ken held her hands and stared lovingly into her eyes. He kept saying this makes me so sad. I know it gave her a boost to see him.

Lloyd in his trademark stance talking with Uncle Ken!

Kenny with his namesake...

Uncle Ken is 85 and although he is hard of hearing, he's still sharp as a tack and so much fun.

Kenny, Lloyd, Rhonda, Chris and I went to lunch with Uncle Ken. It was so wonderful to laugh and reminisce. Chris really enjoyed talking to him. Uncle Ken is intelligent and has a great sense of humor.

After we finished our lunch, Uncle Ken asked if he could propose a toast. We raised our glasses and this is what he said, "With love in the loving cup, When you're wrong, admit it; When you're right, shut up." (quote by Ogden Nash) We all laughed and thought it was great advice!

Lloyd's girlfriend Rhonda is such a genuine person. She is a comfort to him and he is so happy. I have really enjoyed getting to know her and she is so sweet to Mom.

Chris and I also took a minute to go to Tron Brown's wedding reception. It's always wonderful to see Judy and Richard. I love them so much. It's been almost 34 years since Richard baptized me.

Chris talking with Natalie Brown, they haven't seen each other since we moved from Cheyenne.

It was fun to see Lois, she's a dear friend.

Jefre, he is always happy to see me!

Julie... living the dream in Cheyenne. Cali is getting so big and is adorable.

It was also great to see Mike and Cheryl Smith. Mike survived brain cancer, he said it was the power of the priesthood.

Going to the hospital to see Mom everyday was emotional and tiring. But I also was blessed with promptings and many answers to prayers. One morning she was so agitated and I arrived just in time to comfort her and help her settle down.

Everyday I combed her hair and helped her eat.

I really wanted her to eat on her own but she couldn't.

I held her hands, massaged them and put lotion on them.

She liked it when I rubbed her forehead and stroked her hair. She almost always fell asleep after I did that.

I brought her some candy and said these use to be your favorite and Mom said,"use to be" and smiled.

It pleased Mom so much to finally be able to get out of bed and sit in a recliner.

Lloyd, Kenny, Heidi and I had a meeting with the Hospice nurse. It was so comforting to talk to her. She lovingly and carefully explained to Mom that she couldn't go home and Davis was the best place for her right now. We decided to let her tell Mom she has cancer. She helped her understand the diagnosis. It was a moment of clarity for Mom and gave us all some much needed peace.

What a roller coaster ride this journey has been. I am beyond grateful for my family and friends... and for the many answers to prayers. There is no way to adequately express my gratitude.

This message from my friend Holly brought tears to my eyes and was so comforting... Just read about your mom having lung cancer. Darn! I will put you both on my personal prayer list! She sure has strong genes....the picture of her as a little girl looks like you and your little grandsons! So darling!

She is a lucky mama to have you with her. And she must be a pretty amazing woman to have raised such an incredible daughter. I wish I could capture a jar of sunshine for you...and you could take the lid off and fill the room with sunbeams when you need it! Luckily prayers of peace works miracles. Good luck Eileen!

This morning Mom was transferred to Davis. I'm so grateful she is there. I talked to Mom this afternoon and she said, "it's like heaven." She sounded very happy. Lloyd said they took her there by ambulance and it was not difficult at all for Mom.

I have been so thankful for the love and kind words I have received from friends and family. I know they are praying for Mom. I especially appreciated this advice from my sister-in-law Terri, "Just remember to breath Eileen. Your mom is in loving heavenly hands (and so are you !)"

So I will just take it one day at time... knowing always that we are not alone.

"...your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.

As we seek our Heavenly Father through fervent, sincere prayer and earnest, dedicated scripture study, our testimonies will become strong and deeply rooted. We will know of God’s love for us. We will understand that we do not ever walk alone. I promise you that you will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that He was always there beside you."

~ Thomas S. Monson

18 And who shall say that Jesus Christ did not do many mighty miracles? And there were many mighty miracles wrought by the hands of the apostles.

19 And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.

20 And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust.

21 Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.

~ Mormon 9:18-21

Mormon Chapter 9 is one of my favorites in the Book of Mormon.